I just moved, and have been going through old papers, meditations, visioning. I found a meditation I used to do when just starting my business about what kind of day I wanted to have. Other than that my beloved and I are no longer living together, everything had come true. How I start my day, spend my day and end my day. Every day is magical. This last year, my 36th year has been about completion. Often painful, sometimes scary and almost always exhilarating. I saw a horoscope about a week ago that said something like:
you’re 2 months before your birthday. Time to review this year’s accomplishments and failures, joy and pain.
Switching to numerology, this year a 9 year, all about completion. Next year is a year of beginnings. Thank God!
Two weeks after my birthday I moved out of the house I shared with my beloved of 8 years and our two dogs. I wanted my own space, my own sleep schedule, enough room on the bed (with two dogs and my beloved I usually woke up teetering on the edge) and most of all my own time to think. The week I moved out my sciatica symptoms disappeared. My business picked up. I slept better. Four months later we ended our relationship for me to pursue what I most wanted; a family.
What completions were achievements and which were failures? Which achievements brought joy and which brought pain? They seem all together, as if I placed everything in a pot and turned on my loved immersion blender. I remember listening to Carolyn Myss last October, driving to Colorado Springs, weeping with sciatic pain, when you hear the whispers of change coming, make them or spirit will make them for you. Joy and pain, grief and anticipation.
Groupon was definitely an achievement and changed my life overnight.
Moving to the dog house and the indirect impact it had on my dogs, the dog bites (not from my dogs), trip to Vegas, again both. Had I not taken the impulsive trip to Vegas, I would never have been walking on the sidewalk outside of the Bellagio, knowing exactly what was next- a family.
Changing my body, releasing 50lbs of resistance and protection has been again, both. It felt sometimes that every cell that shrank had a story to tell, some day in the past where I wasn’t listening. The more I resisted that story, the longer it took. I’m not done yet. Next year, run the Red Rocks steps.
I discovered I needed and still do need major surgery. This is something that freaks me out, but also was a major validation that I do in fact know what is going on in my body.
I still have 6 weeks until my birthday, still 6 more weeks of completion, destruction and clearing for beginnings. After a year of grief and exploration I end my 36th year content. Even if nothing changes in the next year. This, now, is really good.